I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Too many things racing through my mind. Does no one else see it? Surely they must! But could it even be possible? Does anyone else truly believe in Hoola or are they just mocking me?

More than once last night I had to ask myself: Is it all real? I tossed and turned, continually reminding myself that, yes, I do know the bug’s importance, I know it’s exhilarating bite. Yes, I know the truth. I won’t let my years of research go to waste. I can’t. I believe in Hoola, and now more than ever I know what I have to do.

My dear readers, I can no longer wait. I have to go. Though it hurts me to say, as you are my only contact to the outside world, my only friends, I am returning deeper into the jungle to once and for all reveal the absolute truth of Hoola. I don’t care how long it takes, even if it takes abandoning my life in this hut for the rest of my life. Hoola is the only thing that matters now. And I won’t be coming back until I can prove it to the world.

Farewell.

What a horrible day it’s been! After slipping on a wet log and nearly twisting my ankle this morning, I turned to my only solace, this blog. And then I found something heartbreaking in my inbox. It turns out that the “interviewers” from that science journal claiming to be interested in my research were only impostors, simple pranksters.

A good reader named Phi was kind enough to tip me off. As soon as I heard I tried over and over and over to reach them, but I could never get through. Something did feel strange about that interview, I remember, and looking back on it now I should’ve realized. I’ve never had great experiences with the press, I should’ve known not to trust them.

First my confusing grant “rejection” and now this devastating blow. It almost makes me question what I’m doing here. Are people taking my work seriously? 

I got a response to a grant application I submitted. The committee included a very personal note, which I didn’t expect. Here’s an excerpt:

Dear Dr. Hoolavez;

Thank you for your detailed and intriguing research proposal. I regret to inform you that we are unable to provide you with the necessary funding to carry through your project.  

However, while we cannot support your endeavors, we feel confident that your ideas will find a willing sponsor due to your unusual current standing as a burgeoning celebrity. Unlike most other scientists, you have managed to establish a “grassroots” following among people outside the scientific community, in the form of widespread graffiti art and products bearing your face.

It is a concern for us, as a prominent and reputable source of funding for top talent, to align ourselves with someone like you who is somewhat controversial. we wish you the best with your continued exploration and will leave the financial support of your work to another party. 

I don’t know what to say. My mind is in a twist. On one hand, I’ve been turned down for being “controversial”. On the other, I’ve achieved more public fame than most scientists, and they are optimistic that someone will come along to assist me. Should I be flattered, insulted, hopeful?

I cannot get my head around this. Hoola has become the most complicated event of my career.

While emailing more research proposals today, I drifted off thinking about competition, and what happens when we’re in tough situations. I think I would need to work closely with an endocrinologist or neurologist to understand fully what happens chemically in the human body when we reach those fierce levels of strength and conviction.

Do you remember a moment when you did something you didn’t think was physically possible? Or were so “in the zone” that you surprised yourself with your competitive nature?

I was thinking of a time when my brother was teasing me about my swimming skills and being cruel like older brothers can be. I challenged him to race me and he agreed. And somehow, I was so determined to win that I found complete focus and didn’t let my anger take over. I had never been a great swimmer. He started out quickly but I knew he would tire. And something happened that I have never quite been able to do again: everything came together and I won the race.

I held this fact over him for years, even though he won many other races after that. But something came over me, like when I get bitten by Hoola, that is really inspiring. 

The rain subsided long enough for me to go for a walk in the morning and see what the water had brought to the surface. By chance, an insect landed on my hand and proceeded to stay there as I examined its form.

Despite what look like thorns protruding from its shell, it does not have the capacity to sting. For the minute or so that I was able to analyze it, I noticed its fantastic coloration and sturdy legs that probably make it able to carry quite a lot of weight.

I’m remembering that this place is an entomologist’s dream. It’s not easy living here, but there are so many species waiting to be discovered. I feel lucky again to have come across Hoola.  

I’m very despondent today. It has been raining in sheets for most of the past few days and I feel trapped in my hut. 

I also got an email from a friend in the States whose address I’ve been using for paper correspondence. She said that I didn’t get one of the grants I had applied for. I’m surprised at how quickly they responded to my application, and I feel horribly nervous about the responses I’m still waiting for. 

I have been pacing and staring at my Hoola bug, feeling like a mad scientist. I even went outside in the middle of a downpour and ran around shouting at the top of my lungs. It felt good to release some of my frustrations, but I know it’s not productive. Now I just have soggy clothes and a sore throat. 

Another sighting of Hoolavez memorabilia in London.

Are people more interested in me than in Hoola? I assure you that my discovery is much more interesting than I am.

Another article about me has appeared in a mainstream science journal. I gave an interview with a reporter in the middle of a rainstorm, so our connection kept cutting out, and I’m sure she could barely hear me.

I’m using that as an excuse for why the piece seems to have misquoted me several times. And am I a “rogue”? Really?

I certainly did not say “This discovery should secure my place in the record books”, or suggest that former colleagues have not given me my due respect! They did mention this blog, so I hope that will drive more people to visit this site and see that I am not as cocky and confident as I sound in the interview.

I live a humble life and am just trying to get to the bottom of nature’s mysteries. “Hoolavez’s World” is quite a small one these days, and your support keeps me going.